Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Feeling Hot Hot Hot...

Yes, it's hot. It is hot in an unholy kind of way. But the complaining I'm hearing from people is a little inconsistent. And if you look around you, the entire continent is suffering in a brutal way. The thing is, this is only the beginning. We were warned. We were given more than a decade...closer to two...warning that we were headed for a furnace of our own making. There is a reason that historic temperatures are not just broken but shattered almost daily now. A reason that people are dying. We...that is, all of us, had a hand in this snarled up mess. I know, there are those who will continue ambling along in their fantasy world claiming that "this is summer!" It is supposed to be hot. It is not, however supposed to be this. More than half of the US is in the throws of a brutal drought. Huge fires are raging unchecked, aided and abetted by the heat. And yet here we are. An advisory was posted that Alberta is under rolling blackouts now. This happens because everybody turns up the air conditioner and fans and the electricity grid goes wack. What do you think makes all of those electrical units turn on though? That's right, kids. Fossil fuel. It's a vicious closed loop and we all think that we are entitled. Yeah, right. Whatever you say, pal.
Other things baffle me too.
So on Sunday, it's feeling we're living on the surface of the Sun. It is a boiling disk in the sky, hammering down relentlessly with a force that is inescapable. Driving through Alberta Beach on the way home from the market (where if you say the words 'organic' or 'healthy' the people look at you as though you have a lobster lodged between your eyes...'holistic' just gets you a blank stare), it was busier than I have seen it since we moved here. And there are wall to wall people laid out on the 'beach' (read mudflats) like sardines in a can, cooking themselves in the godforsaken heat. As though the idea of melanoma were as foreign to them as the idea of women's rights in Afghanistan. Literally thousands of them. Lying there baking when moving through the air is like moving through molten lead.
That's their right though. I consider them excellent candidates for the Darwin Awards. For what it's worth though, you may want to consider these tips to combat the heat. They are working for me. More or less...

*If you absolutely MUST use an air conditioner keep it on the lowest setting. Everybody knows it's hoooooot. But cranking that sucker up to the Antarctic setting is only going to make it worse when you go outside. It will literally make you sick.
*Close your drapes, blinds, whatever...during the day. What I do is track the sun...I can because I'm working here now. If you are away during the day, make it as dark as the inside of a boot. In the evenings after the sun goes down, all windows are wide open. I have two fans. One is a ceiling fan, the other your run-of-the-mill floor fan. The ceiling fan is in the bedroom and I leave it going to keep the air moving. The other one goes into an open window to bring in cooler air in the evening and into the night. In the morning the windows that the sun is touching are draped. You can use tinfoil too. It doesn't look pretty but neither does heatstroke.
*Drink water. Lots of it. If you are sweating a lot, drink Powerade or Gatorade. Do not drink colas, iced coffee, etc as they are diuretics...they make you pee which in turn...I know you know this one...dehydrates you. Dehydration in this heat is very bad.
*Drink room temperature water...it absorbs better,
*Keep a few frozen facecloths in the freezer (wet them, put them in a freezer bag and place in freezer). For a quick cool-down, place on the back of the neck or wrists.
*Keep your pets inside. Don't take them in the car. If you do, you are just being a cruel jackass. However much they beg.
*Keep your kids in during the hottest time of day and for crissakes don't leave them in the car. Go to someplace that is air conditioned. Let them play outside in the evening. Make sure they are drinking water, not pop.
*Don't run water just to play in. If kids want to play in the water, fill a small wading pool. Wasting water is not an option.
*Water your garden late in the evening. DO NOT water the grass. At all. Screw the grass.
*If you can, sleep through the hottest part of the day. There is a reason that people rest in the afternoon in Mexico and other hot places.
*Eat spicy food. It cools you down from the inside.
*Use the damn sunscreen.
*Stripping down to near nudity (shudder) is not the answer. White, light and flowing is the answer. You are doing yourself no favours by exposing every inch of yourself to the mallet that the Sun is wielding. You are doing everyone else no favours by showing off your questionable yet ample endowments.
*Wear the damn hat. No one cares what your hair looks like.
*Check on each other. If you know someone who is living in an oven like walk-up, check on them for godsakes. If they are elderly, offer to take them to the Timmies to cool off or something.
*Drink water, not booze. Booze dehydrates you and remember about dehydration being bad?...I know you do...
Believe me, if you do these things you will still feel hot, but you will acclimate. You pretty much have to. It is adaptation time. That's what evolution is all about. And remember, if everyone turns up every cooling device in creation, you will blow the grid and then no one will be feeling very cool.

Take it easy, eat some frozen fruit and hope for a few storms in the evening to cool things down. And if you are looking around wondering who's in charge of the temperature knob, look in the mirror. You were. We all were. Now it's broke.

What's on the menu: Smoothies
Listening to: Snarky punk stuff
Reading: "Your Brain on Nature" by Eva M. Selhub & Alan C. Logan
What's the Plan: Website stuff
Watching: 'Primeval'


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